How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These are indispensable tips, written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family, and even work relationships.
1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without fear.
Do not interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Do not make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you're too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe, and calm down.
Remember: your partner is not the enemy.
2. Separate the facts from the feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I'm seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What's the real truth?
Once you're able to differentiate facts from feelings, you'll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.
3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo instrument. We're more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your "gut" saying?
For example: My mind is saying "definitely leave her," but my heart says "I really love her."
Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.
4. Develop compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you do not have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.
5. Create a "we" that can house two "I's."
The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself - compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual "I" contributes to creatimg a "we" that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Do not expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and do not try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.
1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without fear.
Do not interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Do not make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you're too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe, and calm down.
Remember: your partner is not the enemy.
2. Separate the facts from the feelings.
What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I'm seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What's the real truth?
Once you're able to differentiate facts from feelings, you'll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.
3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.
Each of us is not a solo instrument. We're more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your "gut" saying?
For example: My mind is saying "definitely leave her," but my heart says "I really love her."
Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.
4. Develop compassion.
Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you do not have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.
5. Create a "we" that can house two "I's."
The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself - compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual "I" contributes to creatimg a "we" that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
6. Partner, heal thyself.
Do not expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and do not try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.